For anyone who's curious about Eric's new job, which he describes as "damn close to my dream job," he's written about it here. And linked to an ABC news segment on the work he's doing here.

I'm thrilled that he's found work that he's going to be happy doing!
Nine years ago today Eric and I were married. Nine years - wow - that's more than a quarter of my life. It hasn't always been an easy nine years - both of us can be difficult to live with, and in very different ways. But day by day and week by week and month by month we're making it work, putting energy in to get good things out. I am lucky to have you as my friend, lover, partner and co-parent. Thank you for your love and understanding and patience. Happy anniversary - I love you very much.
When I say that Eric is a better parent than I am, I'm not saying that I'm a BAD parent. I'm an okay parent. Better than lots, I'm sure. I don't live up to my aspirations, but heck, few people do! I'm just endlessly impressed with how good Eric is. He has this really comfortable and effortless looking way of relating to Liam that I'm totally envious of.

Big News

Oct. 5th, 2005 12:05 pm
[livejournal.com profile] eviljohn got work! Note that I don't say "a job." He's got some short term contract work - they expect there will be enough to keep him busy through the end of the year, and he'll keep looking in the interim. It's the company he worked at before the one where he got laid off - the work isn't very interesting, but the company's located in Ann Arbor and is very flexible and hours, etc, so it's a good fit while Eric looks for something more long term.

Phew. This is a big relief. We were just getting to the point where I was trying to figure out if we'd be able to pay all our bills this month - we had a few hundred dollars cushion in our account that made the last two months okay, but we've used that up now.

I'll be working, and Liam will be going to daycare, four days a week. I'll be home with him on Thursdays. Although every other Thursday I'll be cooking common meal, so Eric will use some of his flex hours to help, or I'll have a neighbor watch Liam for a few hours. It will be a big transition for both of us - I haven't been home with Liam for a full day of just us in quite a long time. He and Eric have established routines that I don't know. Even his physical capabilities have changed a lot, something I get constantly reminded of on the weekends! Hopefully Liam will do well with four days a week at daycare. Otherwise we'll have to reassess our schedules.
Just got off the phone with the owner of Liam's daycare. With Eric out of work we wanted to drop Liam back to just 1 day a week to save money, while still giving Eric some concentrated job search time and also not messing with Liam's world too much. Not only was that not a problem for Trish, but she's also okay with us continuing to bring Liam in 3 days a week but just paying for one. At least until the beginning of September. She really loves having Liam there so will be holding his space anyway, and she figures it's easier on everybody if things stay stable for him. Wow. I have tears in my eyes, I'm so blown away.

I haven't had a chance to talk to Eric yet, but I expect we'll take her up on her generous offer, but maybe have Eric pick Liam up a few hours early a couple days a week so they have the chance to spend some more concentrated time together, since that was the silver lining of the layoff cloud.
Eric was laid off today. Totally out of the blue.

So if you know of anyone who's looking for a C++/Embedded Systems programmer, let us know.

Sad thing is that he took a regular job instead of contract because he thought it would be more stable and long lasting. But as it turns out, it would have been better to be on a 6 month contract and know it's going to end, instead of getting suddenly laid off after 6 months with no prospects on the immediate horizon.

I expect he'll post in more detail about this to his LJ soon.
Happy Anniversary, [livejournal.com profile] eviljohn.

Love you very much.
Last night's festivities aside, or maybe because of them, I'm feeling particularly confined by parenting right this moment. I got a raw deal this weekend, with Eric not telling me until Friday that he was going to be mostly unavailable all weekend long, leaving me responsible for Liam. It hasn't been all that bad, but it's just not very interesting. I want to do something exciting and just for me. Go away for a weekend and get away from it all. Visit someplace fabulous. Stay up late. Sleep in. My life's just so dull these days.

Getting the raw end of the deal wouldn't be so bad if I could say - fine, next weekend you're in charge, I'm going to go off and have fun. But the parenting choices we've made make that difficult. I say *we've made* even though Eric sometimes likes to act like they're all my choices - especially the ones that are beneficial to him. And I wouldn't change those choices - I like the close attachment and connection that I have to Liam from breastfeeding and cosleeping and all the rest, and I think that's part of why he's such a cheerful and easygoing little guy. But at the same time it can be very suffocating.

I keep reminding myself that it's only a couple of years, and that on the scale of my life, that's not a very long time at all. But I want to have fun NOW. I'm not really blaming Eric, although he's certainly not going out of his way to address the inequities in our parenting time - he'll do it if I ask him, but he's not jumping at the chance to restrict his own freedom in order to give me some. And I don't even know what to ask him for. If pumping wasn't so hard for me, it would be easier - I leave Liam in daycare 9 hours a day 3 days a week, and he does just fine. But the stress to produce enough milk is huge. I really hope he makes the transition to cow or goat milk well once he's old enough. I like nursing him, and while I like the *idea* of child-led weaning and don't want to wean him prematurely, I don't think I'm going to be able (willing) to make the personal sacrifices required to make that happen. Which, given the AP circles that I travel in, is going to give me a major bad-mom complex. (Note, this doesn't mean that I'm going to cut him off when he turns 12 months either. But I don't see us going to 2 or 3 unless he's really flexible about skipping some days.)

Mostly, I don't want to Liam to suffer because of my own selfish self. I'd love to spend the night away, but not if that results in Liam crying inconsolably to his daddy all night long. I know, I know - Liam will be happier and better adjusted if I'm able to meet my own needs and be happier myself. But try explaining that to a 10-month old who just wants his mom.

Ugh. I'm pissed and I'm grumpy, and Eric really owes me one. I'm not sure how I'm going to redeem it, but I'm gonna figure something out.
Because I don't do this often enough...

Yesterday when we were out running errands in my car which was low on gas, Eric pumped the gas for me so I could stay warm and cozy. And today, when I decided I was going to stay home and after I had realized that I'd left my cell phone in the car last night, he tromped out to the parking lot and back again to bring it to me.

They're little things, but they're nice things, and appreciated.

Annoyed

Jan. 17th, 2004 09:48 pm
I'm annoyed. Eric went off to play D&D today, which was fine with me because I had ConFusion stuff I wanted to get done. But the plan was that I would go over to where they were playing for dinner, because the plan was that the game would break up around that time and that there would be board gaming or something later in the evening. Dinner time come and goes and I still haven't heard anything, so I call to find out what's up. Turns out that pizza's been ordered and eaten and there's nothing left, and he just forgotten to call and tell me. WTF? If I'd known that I could have had dinner with [livejournal.com profile] erikted, but instead I end up scrounging the house for food. And Eric assured me that the game was about to break up and he'd let me know what the plans for the rest of the night were. Well, of course it's been over 2 hours and I still haven't heard from him.

I stayed home from a social thing last night because I was feeling anti-social and tired, so I was looking forward to getting out and doing something with people tonight. Or just spending some time with Eric. Instead I'm sitting around the house by myself, because I didn't get notice far enough in advance to make any other arrangements. And [livejournal.com profile] erikted had the TV on all day watching both of the LOTR extended DVDs, so I'm really not feeling like watching TV even if there was something on I wanted to watch.

I've been pondering going out to Meijer's to pick up some things we're out of, but it's cold and dark and it snowed all day, so I'd have to clean off my car before I can go anywhere, which I'm just not very inspired to do at nearly 10 pm.

Grrr. I'm pissy and annoyed and growing moreso by the minute.

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